You sometimes get into this place where you listen to the words of untruth of the evil one. That is where I have been for the last week or so. Not sure how to feel, not sure how to react and not sure on what to believe. I have wanted to write but not even sure of what the text would say. Today is the day that I will defeat the enemy and write about my deal for the past week.
We have had so much to celebrate that I have held on tight to those celebrations to keep me from collapsing into my sadness. Mikki started his wood working school and is doing incredible. Bereket is back home with his family after being on the streets for 6 years. So here we have 2 less street boys that God simply allowed us to be a part of getting them off the streets after 6 years. Man what an overwhelming amount of JOY that is felt by each of us that have been a part of HIS great plan. Inside deep I am hiding the pain for another.
Everyone seems to walk around as if it is ok or even normal. I on the other hand struggle at moments to fight back the tears, the hurt and the struggle of what his decision has done to me. Does he even realize how it has affected me in my inner being? My heart aches, my mind wonders, fears creep in and prayer is constantly flowing off the tip of my tongue for him.
It is now starting to rain here I envision my little man cold, shivering, curled up with his bottle of glue huffing away to create an illusion to what is really going on around him. I imagine his shoes have been stolen or even sold to get some food or glue to get high. His t-shirt by now is stretched out due to him trying to fit his whole body inside to keep the crisp air off his frail bones. Bugs manifesting his long hair he was trying to grow out.
His future is in the hands of HIS FATHER and I am at moments having issues with remembering that my DADDY has him wrapped up even as he shivers. I am having a hard time remembering that HIS DADDY never leaves him.
I am missing my lil man incredibly and am questioning so many things. God you brought him into my path, into my family and now he is gone for a while. Then the lies creep in about the things I should have done or could have done. The adversary creeps these little voices in my ears and my mind laughing saying ha ha ha you thought you had him forever now he is gone what will you do to help him now. Then he continues to tell me about the roughness and darkness of the streets that my lil guy is facing each and every day.
Holding on the truths that I know is extremely hard and overwhelming when I do not have that loud obnoxious laugh that makes everyone in the room stare at him awkwardly then burst into laughter. I miss having his little attitude around that goes into a corner and pouts like a 2 year old toddler when he doesn’t get his way. I miss watching him, Gavin and Kiki ride their skateboards down the hill or Gavin and Kiki teaching him something new. I would do anything right now to hear a little argument between him and Gavin as if they had been brothers forever. Although each of these drove me CRAZY at moments now that they are gone I would do anything to have them back.
Abraham has gone back to the streets. He had an argument with one of our daughters one morning before I even awoke from that night’s sleep. He didn’t go to school and we haven’t seen him since. My daughter Amilly and I went into the streets searching for him at every place we knew he once called home. He was nowhere. NOWHERE to be found. None of our other friends on the streets have seen him. Where is my boy??
Pray for Abraham pray that GOD radically engages death to Abraham; death to himself and what his life represents. Abraham recognized that he needed Jesus and he accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior about 2 months ago after he tried to kill himself. The battle is on for his life. The enemy is angry because he has lost this one but is trying steadily to keep him in this tangled web of confusion and distraction. I know that GOD has victory and I know that little Abraham does because he now has a relationship with Jesus but man when the spiritual battle is taking place inside I know how hard it is.
Abraham I love you and your family loves you. When you come home we will once again welcome you with hugs and kisses and TIBS!!! I miss you every day that you are not here with us. Please stay strong out in this crazy world of darkness that is trying to capture your heart. No matter what the enemy whispers to you know that you are loved and cared for and that your CREATOR has so much purpose for your life.
Love your Mom